Confabulating Work

Angry people often first get angry and then afterward confabulate a reason for getting angry. I rarely get angry. I confabulate the causes of my stress instead.

I am a conscientious person (Type A personality) which means there is a voice in the back of my mind which is constantly saying "You are not working hard enough," regardless of whether I am actually working hard enough. If I'm doing $x$ then the little voice says I should be doing $y$. If I'm doing $y$ then the little voice says I should be doing $z$. If I'm doing $z$ then the little voice says I should be doing $x$.

I woke up this morning thinking "I'm a failure at life and there's lots of work I need to do." Am I really "a failure at life"? It doesn't matter. The question is a trap. The reason I'm thinking "I'm a failure at life" is because I'm hungry. The thought will dissipate after I eat breakfast. If I try to eliminate my "I'm a failure at life" thought by doing anything other than eating food then I will get hungrier and my unpleasant feelings will intensify.

"There's lots of work I need to do" is even more insidious.

Besides my daily routine, I have exactly two things scheduled on my calendar today. They are both simple fun tasks. I have plenty of time to do them. Yet when I woke up today I thought "there's lots of work I need to do". I don't think "there's lots of work I need to do" because of external conditions and circumstances. Feeling like I need to work hard is just my default mental state.

This morning, when I thought "there's lots of work I need to do", my impulse was to check my email in order to find out what work I had to do. But I'm trying out a new system where I don't check my email until I have finished my morning routine and I don't check my email on Tuesdays at all. Today is a Tuesday.

If I had checked my email and saw messages then those messages would nag at me until I dealt with them. I really would have lots of work to do. My thought "there's lots of work I need to do" causes me to confabulate work.